.
| Link to Us |
 |
|
.
| .....The Legacy of One-Hit Wonders: Written By Marion |
Written 2-29-04
"I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down". (You're also not gonna see me again until I show up on VH1's "Where Are They Now?" in about 15 or 20 years). Ah yes....such is the life of a One-Hit Wonder. Throughout the history of music, there's always been the one-hit wonder. Always capitalizing on the flavor of the week, these artists pump out one song that people take a liking to, then slowly disappear back into the obscurity of the McDonald's deep fryer. Although most prevalent with pop music, this isn't relegated to just that genre either. Various one-hit wonders with many different styles have appeared throughout the years, and were going to look at some such examples today.
Hanson
When this group first burst on to the pop music scene, nearly every teenage male had the same thought, "Hey, if she had some boobs, that chick on keyboard would be pretty hot...". Unfortunately, it turns out that not one of the members was a girl, instead, being three brothers from the middle of nowhere that had come to set fat girls' hearts afire all across the globe. Now for this part, I really should find some kind of bio on the band, but as I REALLY don't want to actively search for information on Hanson, I'll just make it up as I go. As I mentioned before, the band consisted of three members, all of whom were brothers. Optimus Prime, the oldest, became the heartthrob of the group once their teen girl fan base realized he had a penis. Also, because he was the guitarist, he was made even cooler looking in comparison to his keyboard playing sist....brother, Carlos.
XKaneChris85X: with tits that bitch wouldnt look too bad
Carlos, being the middle child never really got very much attention...until the teenage boys in school started taking notice of him. The only downside to that, was the beatings he'd receive when they found out he wasn't a chick. So, in an attempt to get noticed, AND convince people he wasn't a girl, he took up playing keyboard and talked his brothers into forming a band.
Dave, the final brother, was the youngest of the bunch. He's the one they'd always pick on and liked to make do their "bitch-work". They always made him take the ugly groupies while Carlos and Optimus Prime would do their thing with the attractive ones. Poor Dave suffered many beatings at the hands of angry fat women that were hoping to land in bed with one of the two older brothers. Luckily for Dave, the band was only famous for a couple weeks before burning out and joining MC Hammer in the unemployment line.
Please Hammer.....don't hurt 'em.
I suppose I should actually talk about the song now, but how can you possibly attempt to analyze such amazing lyrics as "MMMBop"?
MMMBop, ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do. Oh yeah,
MMMBop ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do bop,
Ba duba dop ba do
Oh yeah, in an MMMBop they're gone. Yeah.
Simple....you can't! With lyrics that deep, you'd expect a visually stunning video. What we got, were the kids in front of a green screen flower, coupled with a few shots of them singing in a garage.
On a side note, I will personally come to the door of anyone that dares to call them a garage band based on said garage performance, and bludgeon them to death with their own shoes. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have a moment of silence for the dead careers of the Hanson brothers.
...
...
...
...
...
Ok, that's enough of that. Moving onward, we come to:
Marcy Playground
Wow....I apparently knew nothing of this band until now. I was almost certain they were somehow Canadian, and that they'd all died in some horrible, fiery car crash or something equally tragic, but while searching for info on them, I discovered that they are, in fact, NOT dead. They're even planning on releasing a new album March 23rd. No matter...they've still earned a spot in this writer's heart as one of the great recent one-hit wonders. Their claim to fame was a simple little song titled "Sex And Candy". This song was quite popular in my high school and received a great amount of airplay on local radio stations, which made their sudden disappearance all the more surprising. Despite(or maybe because of) it's simple nature, the video for this song was even a pretty big hit on MTV. The song, which consisted of 2 verses, with 8 lines each(only 4 of which were noticeably altered), and the chorus repeated a couple times. The lead singer claims his inspiration was a roommate walking in his room, taking a whiff of the air, and exclaiming, "This place smells like sex and candy!". Now, I'm not sure about you people, but I'd have to hit someone, friend or not, if they ever uttered something as fucked as that. The band faded before their second single, "Saint Joe On The School Bus", could even be noticed by the easily influenced mainstream audience that had bought into their first single. There's not much more to say about these guys, other than that I really was sure they'd all died some awful death at some point in time.
Sex and Candy? More like Welfare and Janatorial Work!
Chumbawamba
Yet another band I was certain had died, Chumbawamba is a large(8 members) group that basically prides themselves as being anarchists who want to see the government overthrown, and greatly oppose capitalism. Looks like I was wrong in assuming they didn't put out any good albums because they suck. It was apparently all part of their plan to fight "the man"....but they still suck ass. Like most bands with a cause though, they eventually "sold out", and signed to a major label and churned out a poppy, radio friendly single in an effort to hook people on their music. Their "hit" song Tubthumper, was a drunken pop anthem that was simplicity at its finest. Comprised of roughly 3 choruses, each with only two or three lines, the track was mixed, premixed, and remixed until the entire population had heard it approximately 8 trillion times, and wanted to kill the entire group. Add to that an even shittier follow up single, and you've got all the makings of a band you won't see again until one of the band members in prison for beating his or her significant other, or until they hit "Where Are They Now?".
Since this band isn't worth wasting bandwidth on, here's a random picture of Spock as a nazi!
Sir Mixalot
Proving that one-hit wonderdom isn't exclusive to the mainstream Pop music, Sir Mixalot hit the airwaves strong with his ass themed rap hit "Baby Got Back"(Which, if I may so boldly point out, was released years before the next major ass song "I Wanna Fuck You In The Ass", by the Lords Of Acid). "Baby Got Back" set the stage for not only numerous songs about the rump, such as the aforementioned "I Wanna Fuck You In The Ass", but also for women with big backsides everywhere! Sir Mixalot was a visionary....a man that promoted, love, peace, understanding, and baby's everywhere having back! Without the humble Sir, large bottomed women everywhere might still be persecuted to this very day. There are even many celebrities to this very day that owe their entire livelihood to Mixalot. Were it not for the lyrical talent of this prince of the posterior, the WWE would never have given a second glance towards Molly Holly resulting in terrible women's wrestling until the end of time. Actually...that's pretty much how it is even with her. Ok, so Sir failed there...but let's see who else found his message to be inspirational and used it to leap into their rightful place in life. Well....ummm...there's J. Lo. Without Sir Mixalot, she may never have been discovered and given a chance to make great movies and music. Movies such as Maid in Manhattan, The Wedding Planner, and Gigli, not to mention clothing lines, perfumes, and anything else that she can tack her name on and make a damn dollar off of. Also, don't forget "Bennifer". On second thought, fuck Sir Mixalot and his sick ass fetish!
Mommy sounds like Sir Mixalot's kinda woman!
Los Del Rio
Now we're at the big one. Two random Mexican dudes + dance music + drunk people = new annoying fad! Yep...the Macarena, Los Del Rio's only hit, quickly became one of the most annoying things ever. Antonio Romeo Monge and Rafael Ruiz, the two random Hispanics that comprise Los Del Rio, released this hellishly irritating song 3 years before it actually became a U.S. hit. Once the song was discovered here, all it took to launch them to one-hit wonderdom was large gatherings of morons, and mass quantities of alcohol. People of even the slightest intelligence quickly grew to loathe this song. Frankly, if this is the best the Mexicans can do, I'm not impressed. Perhaps they should stick to making tacos and fried ice cream.
Wow. They had enough songs to fill an album?
Unfortunately, Los Del Rio wasn't the only group to try getting in on the Macarena action:
Yes folks, even U2 tried to cash in on this terribly grating song. I tried to locate this version of the Macarena, but K-Lite shut down on its' own before the search could even finish. It seems K-Lite would rather die than download that song, so we may never have the (dis)pleasure of hearing U2's take on it. Well, that could be a good thing. Some things are better left unexplored anyway.
Well that's all I feel like talking about this time, but I would like to give some honorable mentions to some of those special artists that I couldn't fit in here or just barely missed the one-hit wonder cut by actually having a second popular song:
Avril Lavigne - Actually, we wish....the bitch just won't go away!
O-Town - The premade, cookie cutter pop group made by MTV or ABC(who really cares?) left an impression on all of us, despite their short stay in the public eye.....a bad impression that is.
t.A.t.U. - Not only did they have the backing of catchy, poppy songs that are very infectious, but they also had a lesbian gimmick, and yet they still failed to keep their fame for longer than the pre-requisite 15 minutes.
Vanilla Ice - Basically, the greatest of the one-hit wonders, Ice would have made the list if only that damned Ninja Rap song hadn't made it onto the Turtles 2 soundtrack! This man's career path looked pretty much looked like this: Ice, Ice Baby --> Ninja Rap --> nothing for the next 15 years --> Where Are They Now? --> Shitty Reality TV Show.....word to your mother!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go listen to some real music to purge my system of these terrible musical atrocities. That's right, it's time to listen to WWE Originals!
Marion
If you disagree with any part of this, or have one-hit wonders that I forgot to include, email me or go to the MX Forums and talk about them!
|
|
|
