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Cameron on Twilight Written By Cameron and posted on: 03-27-09 The other day I happened to read an account of one man's experience working the midnight DVD release of Twilight. His tales of crazy fan girls lead me through a two hour long journey of websites criticizing the film and the book on which it was based and all the ridiculous defenses to those complaints laid out by the crazed fans of this series. Their most common defense seems to be comprised of : “OMG, EDWARD IS SO HOT AND U R JUST JELOS.”, or “YOU CAN'T TALK BAD ABOUT STEPHENIE MEYER SHE IS THE BESTEST WRITR EVAR AND YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU EVER RED THE BOOKS!” After reading all that, I decided that it would be in my best (worst) interest to actually read the books. I figured: “Hey, at least I could get a few articles out of it.” Considering how little I've written for this site so far, I think it's a good idea. So, twilight lovers and haters alike, over the course of however long I can stand to do it, I will read these books and report back to you. I have a feeling that this is going to be a bumpy ride. Day 1: At 2:45 this afternoon I cracked open Twilight. At 3:05 I am 60 pages in. This alone speaks volumes to me about the quality of writing that I have waiting for me. Now, I am not a fast reader. I never have been on account of my having a mild form of dyslexia, so when I'm averaging 2 to 3 pages per minute, you are clearly a bad writer. But I'm not going to hinge my entire opinion of this series solely on my rapid fire reading or Meyer's bad writing. I just wanted to get that out of the way up front. As a side note, any of you who are going to yell at me and tell me that this woman is a good writer: Do not waste your time, she is not, and you are wrong. So on with the show. First off, we meet Bella, a character with absolutely nothing going for her in any department. She's bland, has no personality, and, in reality, is just a placeholder character so that the female reader can insert herself into the story. Now I realize that this book is a fantasy of sorts and that some readers would very much like to imagine themselves as the main character, but honestly, that's what fucking fan fiction is for, and I'm seriously wondering if that's what it was, originally. Maybe the author wanted to write some hot Anne Rice fanfic but got lost along the way. Anyway, Bella moves from some huge school in Phoenix, which she refers to as “The Big City” (No offense meant to the citizens of Phoenix, but your town is in no way the image that pops into my mind when I read the phrase “The Big City”) to some podunk town called Forks in Washington. Bella spends much of the first chapter complaining about the weather, calling her father by his name because she's hip and edgy, complaining about the town, and how she had no friends back home because she doesn't get along with people her own age. Well, fuck, if she's as bland as she's been described I can totally see why. Who the fuck wants to hang out with a cardboard cut out all day. However, as soon as school starts, all the boys seemingly jizz their pants at the sight of Bella and fawn over her like a bunch of zombies after the last surviving bit of tasty human flesh on the planet. Which is to say, she's suddenly quite popular. She takes an interest in a group of kids that sit and brood in the lunchroom, one of which is our main vampire boy, only we don't know that yet. She asks tons of questions about the mysterious kids, all of whom seem to sit in silence with uneaten school lunches laid out neatly on the table in front of them. I remember kids like that in my school and to be honest, no one took an interest in them. Eventually, Bella gets seated beside Edward(main vampire dude) in some fucking science class that I'm too lazy to flip back through the book to figure out which one it is and he goes all rigid and sits as far away from her as their lab table will allow. Later he tries to get transferred out of that class, and Bella thinks he has taken a strong disliking towards her. What she doesn't know is: So the fuck have I. So, yeah, that's about where I am at the moment. Now I'll return to this shit fest and see what else I can tell you about. Check back. |
